Television * Pendleton Ward * Things Get Weird…er * 2014
Oh, it’s been a while. These entries are so daunting because they require many, many words plus a lot of other prep work, not least of which is sifting through each episode for my favorite lines. Actually, the real issue is being worried to take care with what has become one of my most loved things. I’m constantly trying to not hyperbolize, and to not get annoyed when people are not as dazzled by this show as I am, and have been since I first saw the show somewhere around Season 3. Also, new episodes are somehow still airing? That those new episodes are still good is a testament to the quality of Adventure Time. Anyway, we’re not even close to that stuff yet. The other reason this entry has been so long in coming is that season 6 is probably the most divisive and uneven season in the entire series. Anecdotally, this seems to be the point where a lot of people jumped off the bandwagon, citing “I liked it when they just had adventures” in the face of the more lore-heavy episodes. Also, the overall arc of this season goes in some strange, mystical, pseudo-philosophical places.
Look, I get it, if you’re not into the vibe Adventure Time is laying down with the mystic diversions and whatnot, as this is the season most heavily inundated with that stuff. I would argue, however, that the heart of the show is still intact. The relationships between these characters continue to grow deeper and more nuanced, and probably the best through line of this season is Finn’s relationship with his father, and the traumatic emotional fallout caused by that situation. A character dealing with daddy issues is obviously nothing new, but the manner in which Adventure Time manages to balance those themes and the seriousness they convey with the bright, colorful, delightful whimsy of the world of Ooo is nothing short of genius. There I go with the hyperbole again. That said, I do have some issues with season 6 as a whole. It’s incredibly uneven, which is to be expected of a group of creatives pushing into new areas while some who helped found the feel of the show had left to do other things. The show is experimenting with story, and character, and animation, and everything that comprises Adventure Time as we know it. Not all of it works. Some of it is lights out. Season 6 has a handful of the very best episodes in the entire series, and a few episodes that I will probably never rewatch now that I’ve written about them. Luckily, the season starts off strong before serving up some of the weaker episodes.
So season 5 ended on a bit of a cliffhanger, huh? We learned at the end of “Billy’s Bucket List” that Finn’s father is alive. Finn, an incredibly cheerful orphan, is understandably knocked for a loop when given this information. Season 6 picks up the same night, but with Jake at a party at Prismo’s place. Already the thematic intentions of the season are being stated. As great as Prismo is, he’s still a mystical being whose character is an outlet for the writers to indulge in their mystic weirdness. The party he’s hosting has the Cosmic Owl, Death, and Ooo’s four-sided deity Grob-Gob-Glob-Grod in attendance. Oh, and the Lich, Adventure Time’s most daunting villain. That’s all well and good, but Finn is going through some heavy biz, which makes all this other weirdness intriguing window dressing. It happens that Finn’s dad is in a place called The Citadel, which Prismo informs us is a place for nasty cosmic criminals. Ever the optimist, Finn assumes his dad runs the place. After all, he’s a goody-goody hero, it’s to be expected that it runs in the family. It’s pretty clear to the audience, however, that Finn’s dad is actually there for other, more obvious reasons. Meanwhile, for some reason, Primso seems pretty keen to help Finn out.
I’m still not sure what the plan is, here, because Prismo essentially has to die for Finn to get to the Citadel. If the initial plan were to work – in which Finn “kills” the wishmaster Prismo, a cosmic crime – Finn would be immediately imprisoned. Prismo would know that, right? Instead, the Lich wakes up and murks Prismo’s corporeal body for real, which seems to take Prismo by surprise. That doesn’t feel right, though, so I can only see this run of events as a long con by Prismo, that somehow he forsaw the Lich waking up and donking up the Citadel. It’s impossible to say if the eventual fate of the Lich was the intended result or not, but regardless this episode is followed up immediately, to the point where this may as well have been a single episode.
Escape from the Citadel
Poor Finn. He has so many conflicting emotions doing battle within himself over the entirety of this episode, it’s no wonder it takes him so long to start putting his adolescent life back together. Like, he just watched the horrific murder of a friend at the hands of the brutal force of darkness and destruction, and he’s still brimming with excitement to meet his father. Which he does, and it is definitely not what he expected. Finn’s dad, Martin, sucks. He sucks so much in this episode that it’s almost a parody of every deadbeat dad in existence. It’s almost too much of a caricature for Adventure Time, which I think they noticed later on and have since rectified, but here Martin is selfish to the point of sociopathy. Whereas at times Finn is selfless to the point of unbelievability (which was tempered nicely last season with his issues with Flame Princess), his father is barely interested in the existence of a son. Not only is Martin not interested in Finn’s reality, but also in his ability to track Martin down at the edge of space-time in some weird cosmic prison.
Nothing goes right, and all turns to chaos. Not only is his dad a dickhead, but the Lich is back and threatening all realities again. Actually, at the moment when the Lich arises and says “fall,” I’m guessing Finn is already in a bad place and is for the first time in his life considering just letting darkness reign. Of course, if he does it’s only a brief consideration. That hero’s heart compels him to take action, which he does, and saves the day. Of course he goes after his father, and of course his father runs away like a little bitch. Finn loses his arm, and it’s devastating seeing the poor kid lying there trying to absorb all the awfulness that just unfolded for him. It’s refreshing that there’s no quick cartoon fix for Finn’s problems, either. All this stuff sticks with him, as it should. Oh, before moving on, I would like to say that the art direction on this episode is neigh perfect. It’s all dark violet tones which sync up perfectly with the themes of the episode and the melancholy atmosphere.
After all that, we need a little respite. This episode, a follow-up to “James,” is light-hearted and goofy, the kind of episode that people who don’t care about lore will enjoy. Also people who like fun. Basically, the clone of James enjoyed the celebrity of being a hero so much, he has faked his own death 25 times. Princess Bubblegum discovers this, and hijinks ensue. Not a lot to talk about, it’s just a good time. Oh, and now whenever I meet someone by the name of James I can only think of the James character answering “James” with a weird half-laugh at the beginning when the banana guard asks him his name. It’s a good voice.
Okay, now that we’ve had that brief reprieve from Finn’s feelings, we’re back with an episode dedicated entirely to them. Nah, it’s okay, it’s actually really well done. Finn refuses to accept that losing an arm and finding out that his dad sucks is somehow traumatic. So he tries to go about his life as if nothing happened, and of course the barely contained rage and sadness bubble up anyway. “The Tower” is an episode about how to work those feelings out, and how it’s okay to feel like shit sometimes. In this instance, Finn discovers that his roiling internal feelings have manifested themselves into a weird psychic arm that turns Ooo into Minecraft. So he builds a tower into space, because that’s where his dad is, and Finn would like to tear his arm off. Like you do. Honestly, this is perfectly natural anger and aggression working themselves out in a weird, Adventure Timey way.
Meanwhile, down on the ground, Jake and Princess Bubblegum are arguing over how Finn is dealing with his trauma. Jake is of the opinion that what Finn is doing is healthy and natural, and is coming to terms with his feelings in his own way. PB, who is always the interventionist, believes that Finn is going too far. As for myself, I lean towards Jake’s point of view on this. However, PB basically saves Finn’s life, because it’s easy to go too far and become self-destructive (as we’ll see in a couple of episode with “Breezy”). Bubblegum also understands that a little catharsis will do Finn good, to the point of helping him understand that a desire for vengeance is natural but not helpful. Also, PB takes a punch for the team. As we’ll see going forward, PB is complicated and is starting to soften a bit. However, her default setting is “Princess Bubblegum knows best, fuckers,” and is generally not willing to wait around for people to catch up with her conclusions.
This episode is one of those situations where I can appreciate the sentiment but dislike the end product. I would imagine that any creative team feels stifled after a while, even on a show which seemingly has no creative limits. I’m honestly having a difficult time thinking of a show this successful that is also so completely original and strange, all the time. Still, the team is still beholden to a network, and this episode is a reaction toward pressure to be more conventional. It’s a metaphor episode, and it’s fairly obvious and heavy handed. Worse, it’s just not very good. When Jake is asleep, his tail comes to life and joins the bug circus as a sad clown. At first he’s a goof, but then he gets artsy and the fans hate it. He sticks to his creative guns despite not being profitable. There’s not a ton of dialogue, and what there is lacks the snappiness and wit one expects of an Adventure Time script. It’s cool the team was willing to take a shot at their audience and corporate overlords, but it does so in an uninspired and leaden way. It feels weird talking shit about an Adventure Time episode, so let’s move on.
This might be the horniest episode of Adventure Time. Actually, no, it is absolutely the horniest episode of Adventure Time. Like, I might be wrong here, but it’s fairly clearly implied that Finn fucks Lumpy Space Princess. Perhaps that’s just my filthy, filthy mind at work, but the staging of that scene is highly suggestive. Anyway, Finn is still bummed. He’s moved past his all-encompassing desire for revenge, but now that righteous anger has been replaced with emptiness. Finn is not inclined toward the depressive end of the emotional spectrum, so he has little experience with feeling this way. As someone who has been fighting depression for most of his life, it’s curious to see a character attempt to deal with something that I take for granted for the first time. Since this is the theme of the episode, it’s naturally a bit of a bummer.
Yet Adventure Time doesn’t flinch from the difficulties of being a confused, fucked up teenager. Since this is still, somehow, ostensibly a show for kids, not much is made of Finn’s sexuality. Frankly, it’s off-putting, which is why this episode isn’t the easiest watch. In an attempt to feel something, Finn starts “making out” with random princesses. His idea of what constitutes “making out” is funny, since it usually means a brief, close-mouthed kiss and that’s it. Finn meets a large bee named Breezy, who desires the daisy growing out of Finn’s arm stump. The sadder Finn gets, the worse off the daisy gets. So Breezy helps Finn hook up with many princesses, which of course does nothing to fill the void. Eventually Finn runs into LSP, and boy I don’t know. I’ll give Finn the benefit of the doubt, considering his inexperience (and LSP’s for that matter, she talks a big game but we’ve seen in the past that she’s reticent to go too far), and assume he only got to like, second base. LSP has plenty of lumps, after all. Still, it’s upsetting, and you can feel Finn’s emptiness when he realizes what he just did. Poor Finn. Revenge didn’t work, and neither, apparently, do make-outs.
I don’t know what the hell this is about, but I respect them for going for it. I think it’s super cool that the Adventure Time team gives up an episode or two a season to guest animators, I really do. This one doesn’t really work for me, but I like that they do it.
Furniture and Meat
Season 6 is a land of contrasts. It has some of my very favorite, top-tier episodes. It has some that I straight up don’t like, which are rare to the point of uniqueness. And then it has episodes which seem to have perfected the very concept of mediocrity. “Furniture and Meat” is such an episode, because I have nothing negative to say about it, really, but it’s not one that I actively rewatch. I’m not quoting lines from it or cribbing fun phrases (wait, just reviewed my notes, I do use “ya dumbs” sometimes). The one noteworthy thing about this episode is the underlying politics of it. Between this and an episode we’ll get to shortly, “Ocarina,” it’s clear the Adventure Time team has something to say about late-stage capitalism. That message is “money corrupts,” basically. But then when Jake threatens Wildberry Princess’ autonomy with his finance-based power she goes full dictator, so I’m not actually sure what the final message is here. Don’t fuck with Wildberry Princess, I guess.
The Prince Who Wanted Everything
I wish I liked the Fiona and Cake episodes as much as the writers seem to. I feel like I got what I needed after the first one, and the subsequent episodes feel a little like filler. I guess everyone loves Lumpy Space Princess so why not give us Lumpy Space Prince? As he says in the episode “I DON’T CAAAAARE!”
I love this episode so hard. “Something Big” is a sequel to the season 5 episode “Sky Witch,” and is about what Maja ends up doing with the sentimental magic she acquired from Princess Bubblegum at the end of that episode. Maja uses that magic to summon Darren, an ancient, sentient, war machine monster which she uses to attack the Candy Kingdom. First of all, Darren is a great name for such a creature, and Adventure Time continues to be the best when it comes to mystical creatures using casual, flippant language. Darren is confused and has no idea what is happening. His name is Darren. It’s like if Athena was named Madison, or Hercules was named Josh. It tickles me. Anyway, what makes this episode special is the concise nature of the storytelling. Within the space of 12 minutes, we get a reminder of who Maja is, we learn what she intends to do, there is an epic battle scene, there are several fun character conversations, and somehow at the end there’s still time for mystical philosophizing. And I guess they were still running short because there’s a post-episode stinger? Which is only there because they straight up killed a character? It’s incredible.
Yet for all that, I think the main reason I enjoy this episode so much is that it’s a showcase of the kind of snappy dialogue which Adventure Time excels at. The fun the writers have with the language brings me true joy. Something as simple as Darren saying “what the flip is feelings?” or Finn saying “Yo, what’s up APTDubsy?” manages to subvert expectations of how the language works and it just endlessly pleases me. Of course, none of that would mean anything if the performances of the voice actors weren’t up to scratch, but every single actor delivers. Some of my favorite lines have nothing to do with the writing. The Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant shows up and says “Hi Darren,” and Steve Agee’s delivery on that cracks me up every time. To the point where I need to makes friends with someone named Darren so I can just yell that at him every time I seem him. Same deal when Finn agrees to make the guaaaaac. Or his offhand “oh, word, thanks,” when he drops said guac. Everything sounds natural to these characters, and it one of the major reasons this show is so great.
Well, this brings us right back down to earth. I dunno. Shelby’s all right. His little brother is cute. For whatever reason there’s not much here that brings me back. It’s fine.
Jake is kind of a jerk, and he’s definitely a terrible father. He doesn’t mean to be, of course, and that’s the crux of this episode. It’s not all bad, considering his kids apparently age super-quick. Not sure how Rainacorns work, honestly, I guess they live a long time but also turn into adults pretty much immediately? Anyway, it’s a good excuse for a bunch of new characters with excellent voices (including most of the cast of Bob’s Burgers). This is a Kim Kil Wan episode, however, and he’s a huge drag. Well, he’s the polar opposite of his father, anyway. Kim Kil Wan has no time for frivolity, and is all about making sweet cash. In an effort to teach his father a lesson in responsibility, he acquires the deed to Finn and Jake’s treehouse. It’s at this point that Finn learns what capitalism is, because he has no idea. Jake, being a free spirit, obviously has a dim view of this ideology his son has embraced. This is one of the rare times Adventure Time flirts with politics, but it’s fairly clear that the team has a dim view of unfettered capitalism. After all, Ooo is a fantasy land where people live happy lives doing whatevs. The Candy Kingdom is all planned by Princess Bubblegum. The other kingdoms seem to have a basic trade system, but mostly peeps are just out their living their best lives, you know? Yet here and there modern economics seem to creep in, and it never goes well. Kim Kil Wan finally gives up his ambition to force his father into getting a day job, and Jake still sucks as a dad. Not much changes, except maybe a better understanding of a father by a son.
Thanks for the Crabapples, Guiseppe
This quote from Finn pretty much sums up this episode: “Hey, Abracadaniel’s here… with a bus full of lame wizards.” I appreciate that there’s an entire society of wizards in Ooo, and most of them are terrible. I feel like Guiseppe is here to try and fit a little more mysticism into the world, but I don’t actually follow. I can, however, appreciate Ice King and his buddies being goofs, so it’s not a total wash.
Marceline and Lumpy Space Princess are the Thelma and Louise I didn’t know I needed. I enjoy watching Marcy have to be the responsible one, for once, which offers more depth to her character. Marceline might act like a gloomy teen most of the time, but she’s still 1000 years old and does, in fact, have a heart of gold. LSP is a sociopath, so while Marcy is down for a good time she still has to keep LSP in line. Meanwhile, “Princess Day” is also cool because we get a glimpse into the governance of Ooo, which will come up again later in the season. I like that we get a little bit of rough world building here, as I’m a sucker for a good sense of place. The Land of Ooo has always been a little squiggly around the edges. Different areas show up when they’re convenient for an episode’s plot, and time and space are fungible. Good luck sitting down and making a map of the place (although in recent episodes they’ve started getting close, and I’m not sure how I feel about that). Still, there are systems in place. There’s a history. For the most part, these things aren’t important to whatever story is being told. This episode is mostly about Marceline and LSP being friends, but we also get insight into the princess-based governance system. A system, it should be noted, that the most powerful princess barely pays attention to.
Speaking of my cartoon crush, Princess Bubblegum, she shows up in this episode that is ostensibly about her, even though she’s not in it that much. Over the last few seasons, PB’s character has shifted from a simple trope-inversion (helpless-princess-in-need-of-saving turned into super-intelligent-princess-who-runs-shit-hires-a-hero-to-keep-weirdos-off-her-back) to a more dynamic personality with a long history and troubling habits. She’s still the smartest person in Ooo, but more and more we see how isolating and stressful that is. Over the course of the series (and I’m including later seasons here), it’s revealed that she has a ruthless streak. There’s a darkness about her, a willingness to do whatever is needed to protect her kingdom. However, she’s also a force of positive change and overall good. Her heart is in the right place, and more often than not her conscience prevails upon her authoritarian tendencies. It’s a constant struggle, however, and “Nemesis” comes about as a reaction to some of her citizens, who (rightfully) distrust her.
The main character of this episode is someone who we’ve never seen before, and so far have never seen again. His name is Peace Master, and he drives a minivan with this three kids in tow. He shows up at a conspiracy meeting headed up by Starchy, who is basically the Candy Kingdom’s Alex Jones. Peace Master despises “the dark arts,” and basically accuses Princess Bubblegum of being an evil practitioner of said dark arts. Obviously, Princess Bubblegum doesn’t truck with wizardry of any kind, because she’s a dang scientist. She does, however, use technology with less than noble intentions. PB has created a surveillance state, basically, and Peace Master busts her spying on the conspiracy meeting, which she is listening to for amusement. Now, PB may not believe in magic, but Peppermint Butler sure does, and the rest of the episode is Pep But and Peace Master having a battle of wills. The first rule of Adventure Time is: Don’t Fuck With Peppermint Butler, which Peace Master learns the hard way. For the most part, this is a fun episode, but it does ask some serious questions about how PB conducts her kingdom.
Joshua and Margaret Investigations
I feel like Jake’s parents are best in small doses. Stretched out to an entire episode, their old-timey gumshoe shtick wears a little thin. While this episode does set up a later episode having to do with Jake’s origins, this still feels unnecessary. Maybe it’s just me, but I didn’t really need to know why Jake has stretchy powers. I was happy with Princess Bubblegum’s explanation, which is to say he’s a mutant. I guess she was right? Or the genetic hybrid of this father and some weird inter-dimensional monster? It’s not really clear and frankly it doesn’t really matter to me.
This episode is surprisingly dark, considering BMO nearly manslaughters Jake. Also there’s some fun Cronenberg-lite body horror happening. “Ghost Fly” is not a Finn-focused episode, but he has some great random Finn lines which I appreciate. There’s not a ton to discuss here, I don’t think, but not because I don’t like the episode. It’s fun, mildly spooky, and makes for another good addition to the unofficial Adventure Time Halloween playlist.
This may not be a great episode, but it is also a great episode. Allow me to explain. The story is fine, I don’t know, whatever. Basically, Magic Man shows up to fuck with Jake some more and sends him into himself, literally. There’s a whole civilization created within Jake himself, which is threatened because Jake gets hungry and can’t eat anything because it turns out you can’t eat yourself (unless it’s that one Stephen King short story where that dude totally eats himself). He makes some friends and then is sad because he has to essentially destroy this weird civilization inside his own body in order to survive. I’m not sure what the lesson here is, other than Magic Man is a real dick. That said, this episode is great because Billy West shows up and the whole thing is one big homage to Futurama, which if Adventure Time and the good seasons of The Simpsons didn’t exist would be my favorite show ever. I didn’t catch it right away, either. Goose shows up, says “how long’s it been? Two, maybe three years?” with Fry’s voice and woosh, right over my head. I didn’t even catch the Zapp Brannigan bit! It wasn’t until the end when it’s literally the Professor speaking that I’m like, wait, this all seems familiar. Then Finn does his best Zoidberg impression and okay, I see what you’re doing, this is great, I love you all. It’s an okay episode that reminds me how much I love Futurama, even if Bender sounds like Jake to me now instead of the other way around.
Is That You?
I like this episode, and I’m happy with how it ends because like most right-minded citizens of the world I know that Kumail Nanjiani is a treasure and I’m happy to see he’ll show up on the show again. Still, I know Adventure Time has a ruthless, realistic streak and I was surprised to see that Prismo was brought back so soon. This episode has a convoluted plot which depicts the curious resurrection of the wish master, which involves copies of Finn and Jake and a mystical recording of Prismo himself. I’m not sure it all hangs together, a concern it seems the writers had as well, considering some of the dialogue. Still, this is a solid episode, and it features the Adventure Time crew indulging in some semi-mystic weirdness while still remaining grounded in the characters. I appreciate that Jake and Prismo have their own relationship outside of Finn, and Finn is understanding of that. This entire series to this point has been focused on the two brothers, Finn and Jake. With the introduction of Prismo, even more so than the existence of Lady Rainacorn (which, hmm), establishes Jake as his own person. It’s also an indicator of Finn’s budding independence. So that stuff is pretty cool. Plus, Finn gets a dope new sword at the end.
Jake the Brick
This might be a top five favorite episode for me, and I am well aware that makes me a weirdo. Especially considering the last time I said that, I was writing about “We Fixed a Truck,” another episode that I imagine most people don’t find all that noteworthy. Well you’re all wrong. As with “We Fixed a Truck,” “Jake the Brick” is an extremely chill episode. It soothes. It’s a delightful, unstressful, anxiety-abating 12 minutes of television. Oh, and perhaps unlike “We Fixed a Truck,” this episode is a visual showcase. The first minute is absent of dialogue, and is Finn taking a silent hike through the wilds of Ooo, and it’s just gorgeous. He finally comes across Jake, who is enacting a childhood fantasy of being a brick in a brick shack when the brick shack falls down. I don’t know, don’t think about it.
Anyway, the rest of the episode turns into Jake narrating a Planet Earth vignette, which in this case is the story of a bunny in the forest of Ooo. As Jake narrates, we’re treated to a series of brief scenes of various characters going about their business while listening to Jake talk about a bunny on the radio. The music is soothing and perfect throughout. It’s a peaceful episode, and one that demonstrates how well constructed this world is. While I enjoy the more action-packed, lore-heavy episodes as well, these quieter episodes do as much, if not more to cement Ooo as a realized place. This episode shows that life continues outside of the big, weird events that we usually see. Also, sea lard.
We’re going to wrap up the first half of season six with a strange but great episode. This is almost a response to critics pining for the ‘random adventure’ days. Finn has a toothache. And I don’t know why it’s so funny every time Finn says “my tooth hurts,” but it is. The writers must have realized that Jeremy Shada is brilliant at Finn’s odd habits of language and have decided that even simple phrases can be effective. Which is to say Finn saying “worms” is funny. Anyway, Finn has to go dentist, which is way more of a production than one might expect. Turns out that dentist is ants, and because this is Adventure Time if Finn wants to fix his tooth he has to fight a monster. In so doing, he’s teamed up with Tiffany, Jake’s erstwhile partner in crime who blames Finn for usurping his place as Jake’s bestie. Things go poorly for Tiffany, but at least Finn gets his teeth fixed. There’s not a lot to talk about, really, since the main draw here is the absurdity and the strange and wonderful script. Worms.
In Which I Continue to Highlight the Brilliant Writing
“Prismo, you make me happy, Prismo.” “Oh, stop.” “I’m always smiling when I’m around you. I just noticed that. I always am.” “I’m always smiling when I’m around you, too.” “Tee hee, this feels so good.” – Jake and Prismo, proving that sexuality is a spectrum, “Wake Up”
“Hey, um, those guys are doing selfies on the Lich. Is that safe?” – Peppermint Butler, “Wake Up”
“Yeah, but why isn’t he killing everyone in the room right now – controlling our minds, making us rip each other’s eyes out while we buttercup one another?” – Peppermint Butler, who appears to make a jerk-off motion when he says ‘buttercup,’ “Wake Up”
“The Citadel is a nasticized prison. Only the worst of the worst end up there. Real stinkfaces. These guys are the pits. The armpits.” – Prismo, “Wake Up”
“I look like a big old hairy raisin.” – Prismo, “Wake Up”
“I just woke up from my nap. Uh, but I’m ready to go back to bed. I’d like to go home and take a nap… are you my son?” – Old Man Prismo, “Wake Up
“Good riddance, too. I hope you rot forever, you awful jerk flapper. Some people just make the world a worse place to be just by being around. That’s right. Bad apples. Lock ‘em all up I say, at the bottom of the ocean, where it’s too dark to see.” – Finn, taking a hard line on crime, “Escape from the Citadel”
“Jeez, man, now I wish I hadn’t said all that stuff before. Now my heart feels all yellow and green.” – Finn, “Escape from the Citadel”
“Did he trick us again? I think he did!” Finn, who puts in some work this episode, “Escape from the Citadel”
“Thanks, kid. Now where did you guys park your starskipper? This place is coming down quick, and I’m talking quick, like zip zip, like wow, like boom boom wow.” – Martin, “Escape from the Citadel”
“Finn, I know we normally come out of these things okay, but I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Just promise me if both my eyes get fried off, you’ll fry yours off too.” “What? No.” – Jake and Finn, “Escape from the Citadel”
“Ah! Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.” Finn, “Escape from the Citadel.”
“You just got to fetch me a glob of that guardian’s blood, son. It’s got that good nooch that keeps us young in the crystal.” “Nooch?” – Martin and Finn, “Escape from the Citadel”
“Now, rub some of that sap on my leg there. Make sure to get it in the chicken wing hole.” – Martin, “Escape from the Citadel”
“Why-did-you-abondon-me-in-the-forest-when-I-was-a-little-baby?!” “You know me… I’m a funny guy.” – Finn and Martin, “Escape from the Citadel”
“I got to run to the store!” – Martin, who sucks a lot, “Escape from the Citadel”
“Fall. You are alone, child. There is only darkness for you, and only death for your people. These ancients are just the beginning. I will command a great and terrible army. And we will sail to a billion worlds. We will sail until every light has been extinguished. You are strong, child. But I am beyond strength. I am the end. And I have come for you, Finn.” – The Lich, and The Lich’s best speech. Holy shit. “Escape from the Citadel”
“Right in the doorbell.” Finn, saving the day again, “Escape from the Citadel”
“Brand new baby. The Lich is super cute now and he smells real neat. That sap rebooted him or something. I like him a lot.” – Jake, “Escape from the Citadel”
“Over here, fellas. Next stop, the Candy Kingdom. Previous stop, this weird place.” – Startchy, “Escape from the Citadel”
“Wow, James sacrificed himself for you again, PB.” “Yeah, that’s like the 25th time, right?” “Obviously you’ll have to reclone him.” “Totes.” – Finn and Jake, “James II”
“And remember the time James saved PB from that contaminated cupcake?” “Yeah, he ate the whole cupcake. What a guy.” – Jake and Finn, “James II”
“Is this… James heaven?” – Finn, “James II”
“Dude, I’ve been to your funeral like 25 times.” – Finn, “James II”
“How can 25 guys look like one guy? You mean they’re vigintiquintuplets?” – Banana Guard, “James II”
“Now for your assignment, James. Go unto the wasteland and never come back.” Wh-wha?” “Do it and I’ll send you a medal every day.” “Yay! Come on, every James!” – Princess Bubblegum and James, “James II”
“Parm, parm, parm. Asiago’s like parm.” – Finn, cheese knower, “The Tower”
“You just went through some outrageous beeswax with losing your favorite arm and et cetera. You can’t expect to just bounce right back to normal.” “I can’t?” “Nah, man. Listen. All these princesses, donating all these gross fake arms – the mean well, but they’re throwing you off your game. You got to go at your own pace. If you listen, deep in your melon heart… that’s where the real instructions are.” “Melon wants to punch my dad in the face and steal his arm.” – Jake and Finn, “The Tower”
“Me, I’m going to go to the spaghetti store and get a new mop head.” – Jake, “The Tower”
“Wow. It’s like a, like a, like a, like a magic Finn arm.” Finn, with a tic I just do now, apparently, “The Tower”
“My biggest powerometer back at the castle was flipping all the way out. It looks like Finn somehow manifested a sort of telekinetic electro-emotional prosthesis.” “Word, word.” “With this much raw power, he could be a danger to himself or others, so I quarantined the area until I can coax him down.” “Pff, TMLO Princess.” “What does that mean?” “That Means Lay Off. Finn’s feeling this one out solo style. Give the kid a chance.” – Princess Bubblegum and Jake, “The Tower”
I really enjoy Finn’s revenge song.
“Get out of my house or I’m gonna face blaaaaast you.” – Carroll, “The Tower”
“Baby’s building a tower into space/To tear off his dad’s arm/From, like, where that round of the arm bone meets that weird flat bone at the top of the back/Gonna pull that until it comes off.” – dang, Finn, “The Tower”
“I used to be water. Like a pond or something really wet. I used to hate people swimming in me. Kickin’ and stuff. So what did I do? I evaporated. I got myself out of there.” “You should have pulled off their legs.” – Carroll and Finn, “The Tower”
“I just thought about my anxieties and it’s like my mind-hand touched a hot memory-stove.” – Carroll, “The Tower”
“Oh, man. My hogmaster.” – Finn, “The Tower”
“Buuuuuuutts. Butts.” – Finn, and another phrase I use constantly, “The Tower”
“Bong, bong. Hey, buddy.” – Princess Bubblegum, “The Tower”
“Too much artsy, not enough fartsy.” – Some kind of bug, also WE GET IT, GUYS, “Sad Face”
“Look at her. It’s like looking at a big, sad dollar sign.” – Same bug, “Sad Face”
“But I’ve been pounding pickle juice like I was preggos. For the electrolytes.” – Finn, “Breezy”
“It’s cool. I guess I’ll go make out with Crab Princess.” – Finn, “Breezy”
“You ain’t my man! So why you all in my lumps?” – Lumpy Space Princess, “Breezy”
“Hey Finn, can you pour this juice in my mouth? Tee hee.” – Raggedy Princess, “Breezy”
“So, how you feelin’ buddy?” “Pretty grease. I made out with Crab Princess, so that’s grease. But really I don’t feel nothin’. Maybe if I made out with lots of girls, I will feel something?” – Finn, and no, that’s not how it works, son, “Breezy”
“Let’s wing-man you some make-outs!” – Breezy, “Breezy”
“You’re about to get waggle-danced, ya chicken.” – Hillbilly Bee, “Breezy”
“I’m lost in the darkness, Breezy.” – poor Finn, “Breezy”
“I know all about your dirty deeds. Now it’s Lumpy’s turn to slump those lips! Bring it in, baby… What? That’s it? I didn’t wait infinity for a dip in the kiddie pool. We’re taking this to the deep end!” – Lumpy Space Princess is a sex machine, “Breezy”
“How did I get mad chubs? I only ate one grub.” – Finn, “Food Chain”
“She’s beautiful.” “She’s just a caterpillar, dude.” – Finn and Jake, “Food Chain”
“All this dosh is threatening the structural integrity of the treehouse.” – BMO and another metaphor, “Furniture and Meat”
“I continue to chill.” – Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant, “Furniture and Meat”
“No people or money allowed in the fountain, ya dums!” – Captain Strawberry, “Furniture and Meat”
“Thanks, but we’re middle class.” “Oh, really?” “Upper-middle.” – Upper-middle-class berry boys, “Furniture and Meat”
“How much do you think I’ll have to pay ‘em to lick the dust off this dirty stuff?” – Jake, who is a creep in this episode, “Furniture and Meat”
“Finn and Jake, yes, you have insulted me, but worse than that you have abused the power of money! We will deal with you swiftly and ironically, by encasing you in your own molten gold!” – Wildberry Princess, “Furniture and Meat”
“Let’s bounce, po’ boys!” – Jake, “Furniture and Meat”
“No! That’s not how I sound! Read it in a better voice!” – LSP, “The Prince Who Wanted Everything”
“Eat these worms! Eat these worms and sharpen your teeth!” – Lumpy Space Parents, “TPWWE”
“First I need freaky clothes. Cool freaky, not monster freaky.” – Lumpy Space Prince, “TPWWE”
“The only way to defeat parental disapproval is not caring about anything. I don’t caaaaare!” – Lumpy Space Prince, “TPWWE”
“Thank you, son. You’ve freed us from adult mediocrity and fatuousness.” – Lumpy Space Parents, “TPWWE”
“Rest in peace, Root Beer Guy.” – Princess Bubblegum, “Something Big”
“I had a dream I was fighting an army that could birth new soldiers from their own blood. I was endless. Does that make sense?” “Yes. You want to go conquer the Candy Kingdom?” “What’s that?” “It’s a place that contains the highest levels of caring and sentimental affection in all of Ooo.” “What’s caring? What kind of world is this?” – Darren and Maja, “Something Big”
“I promise as well, to deliver destruction so thorough that all realities are affected.” “Okay, we’ll talk about that.” “All realities!” “Hey! We’ll talk about it!” – Darren and Maja, “Something Big”
“Women my age don’t hang out! Where are they hiding? I need a young girl with an old soul to heal my heart.” – Colonel Candy Corn, “Something Big”
“What the jam? All right. Finn or no Finn, PB’s got to get in that biz.” – Princess Bubblegum, “Something Big”
“What the flip is feelings? Darren only understands life and death!” – Darren, “Something Big”
“HI DARREN!” – Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant, aka Steve Agee, “Something Big”
“Eli, were you asleep forever too? All this stuff is different now. What are we even doing here?” “Yes, it’s been a difficult adjustment.” Eli shoots lasers from his nose. “Yeah, right.” – Darren and APTWE, “Something Big”
“Well, I guess my kids still have a daddy.” – Banana Guard, “Something Big”
“Party tonight in the Candy Kingdom! Okay, y’all bring food and bevs. Finn, you make the guac, all right?” “I’ll make the guaaaaaaaaac.” – Princess Bubblegum and Finn, “Something Big”
“Finn! Finn!” “Yo! What’s up, APTDubsy?” “What do I do now?” “Dude, I don’t know. Probably not go back into the basement. You’re so bigguns! You should be free, boyee.” “Free to do what? I need psychic commands.” “Can you help me dice tomatoes for this guac?” “No.” – Finn and APTDubsy, “Something Big”
“I can fly and do lasers from my nose.” – it’s a good skill, APTWE, “Something Big”
“Show me them legs! So many legs that griz is unreal!” – Some gross bug, “Little Brother”
“Someday you’ll be Kent’s food! Ha ha ha!” – Kent, “Little Brother”
“Uh, I was born earlier today so I don’t really got a sense of my own mortality.” – Kent, “Little Brother”
“I name this sword… Punch Party.” – that’s a good name, Kent – “Little Brother”
“Ugh. I’ve got hunger cranks.” – Tina Belcher. I mean TV, “Ocarina”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah! I’m real late! Happy birthday puppies. Okay, so putting it out there, I didn’t remember to bring you guys any birthday presents. But I did bring lunch. It’s macaroni salad!” – proceeds to pull a wad of macaroni salad from his ‘pocket.’ Jake, “Ocarina”
“But son, I’m your pop. What would your mother say, doin’ this to your poor pip-pop?” “I’m sorry dad, deeds don’t bleed.” – Jake and Kim Kil Wan, “Ocarina”
“You’re gonna sleep like that?” “Yeah man. It’s tough. I’m a tough kid.” – Jake and Finn, “Ocarina”
“Gee it’s great to be back home, eh Mr. B?” “Heh, yeah. I can’t wait to wash my gross fat butt.” – Some more gross bugs, “Ocarina”
“Man, can I tell you something? I don’t even know what’s going on here. I mean, like what the heck is a deed? How come he can buy our house when it’s our house and Marceline gave it to us and we live there? And now we’re arrested? This is crazy. It’s crazy!” – Finn, who doesn’t understand capitalism, “Ocarina”
“Where did I go wrong?” “I don’t know, but I’m not tryin’ to be sleepin’ on a ladder no more.” – Jake and Finn, “Ocarina”
“I’m gonna be frank here. Your son’s a real-time jingle-blaster.” – Finn, “Ocarina”
“Whoa. Kim Kil Wan is rich, like wow, like, hello, what?” – Finn, “Ocarina”
“Yeah, it’s not hollow. I made the holes with the back end of a pencil.” – Jake kind of sucks sometimes, “Ocarina”
“Hey, Abracadaniel’s here… with a bus full of lame wizards.” – Finn, “Thanks for the Crabapples, Guiseppe”
“These are not my tear drops, daughter dear, but just a sheen of dew that lingers here, past other fields where other fathers lie, who kept their daughters far better than I.” – Guiseppe, who clearly has some regrets, “Guiseppe”
“Hey. I could freeze all of us. Then we’d be safe from the drowning. And once someone discovers our preserved bodies, we’ll be saved! Be like 200 years, tops.” – Ice King, “Guiseppe”
“Now, onto more pressing matters. Brigands have been attacking our western seaports, dozens of unregistered princesses roam the land, and trade deficits are at an all-time high. Historically, Breakfast Kingdom has traded one sack of sugar a month to Slime Kingdom in exchange for four eggs, but egg production has plummeted.” “I can’t just pop out eggs on demand! I’m an artisan!” “You have an egg in you right now.” “How dare you!” – Breakfast Princess and Slime Princess discuss the minutia of governing Ooo, “Princess Day”
“You guys, I’m bored out of my face! I make a motion to stop talking about dumb stuff that’s laaaaame.” – Lumpy Space Princess, “Princess Day”
“Guards, take this pomplemousse out of my sight!” – Breakfast Princess, “Princess Day”
“Hey, you want to ditch this jazz?” “I’d love to, but I’m really invested in this crossword puzzle.” “Figs.” – Marceline and Princess Bubblegum, “Princess Day.”
“Hey, calm your lumps!” – Marceline, “Princess Day”
“Whoa! Holy flippin’ flap! Red alert! Pep But, start brewin’ up some chamomile tea so I don’t stress out!” – Princess Bubblegum, “Nemesis”
“Stop laughing! You’re stressing daddy out!” Promptly wrecks his minivan. “See?! See what happens when you mess with the dark arts? I’ll get you dark one! You wrecked Peace Master’s minivan!” – Peace Master, “Nemesis”
“Yo! Red alert! Right guys? Whatcha doin’ about it?” – I like it when PB gets all intense, “Nemesis”
“Your dirty hobo birthday tricks won’t save you long time!” – Peace Master, “Nemesis”
“Bam! Now you got a monster kid.” – Peppermint Butler, who should not be fucked with, “Nemesis”
“One more thing. Show us your underwear.” “You fiend.” “Now, um, uh, walk around like a big chicken” Peace Master does so. “Now eat some dirt off the ground.” “Please don’t make me.” “Hey! You want three demon babies!” Peace Master eats some dirt. “Okay, stop. I took it too far. We’re done here. Run along, children.” – Peppermint Butler and Peace Master, “Nemesis”
“Steak break!” – Joshua, “Joshua and Margaret’s Investigations”
“What’s the big idea, Wyatt? Why’d you burgle your wife’s pie?” “Because it’s amazing! Oh I can’t get enough of it.” – Joshua and Wyatt dance around a sex metaphor, “Joshua and Margaret”
“I’ll show that peepsie the pepper!” – Margaret, “Joshua and Margaret”
“You’re about as fine as a canary in a cat mine,” Margaret, “Joshua and Margaret”
“Focus chi, stop a man’s heart.” – Karate Magazine, “Ghost Fly”
“I think I got restless leg syndrome.” “Is that from getting chubby?” “What? No, man, it’s just restless leg.” – Jake and Finn, “Ghost Fly”
“My horse hates your horse.” – Adventure Boy Magazine, “Ghost Fly”
“I’m sorry you were born a fly and I had to kill you. You disgusting, disgusting creature. – Jake, “Ghost Fly”
“That’s weird. BMO doesn’t like 30’s jazz.” – Jake, “Ghost Fly”
“They leave those little fly doodies on your soul!” – Jake, “Ghost Fly”
“How’d you do it, Rusty? How’d you shake them otters?” – Finn, talking to his magazine, “Ghost Fly”
“I killed Jake! Yay BMO!” – BMO, “Ghost Fly”
“The waffle doll shall fall lest you eat the yellow dough.” – Magic Man, “Everything’s Jake”
“Huh, everything’s made of… me.” – yes, that’s the title, Jake, “Everything’s Jake”
“How long’s it been? Two, maybe three years?” – Goose. It’s funny because that’s how long Futurama had been off the air at the time. “Everything’s Jake”
“What is that?” “Oh—oh, that. Don’t worry about that. Do not, don’t worry about that.” – Fry, I mean Goose, “Everything’s Jake”
“Jakey can’t eat any of those nachos. But Jakey need nachos!” – Jakey, “Everything’s Jake”
“Oh my stars, it’s just as I envisioned. O mighty Jake Globs, I beseech your aid! Do you have bagels?” – The Professor, “Everything’s Jake”
“No, these picks were made by our friend to be mouth-loved” – Jake, “Is That You?”
“Jake, why are you pretending to dig up Everything Burrito?” – Finn, “Is That You?”
“Something messed up is haps, bra.” – Finn, “Is That You?”
“Dude, I can’t wat to get this batch of pickles to Jake. He’s totes gonna bust a pipe when he gets hit with the cumin and the undertones of sage that come in later.” – Prismo, “Is That You?”
“Wait, why is this happening? It’s like a rerun of the worst junk. The Lich life-sucks Prismo’s dream host, which eliminates Prismo forever. Ugh! It’s mad griz, bro! And then the space police or whatever they’re called show up because boppin’ Prismo was a cosmic crime. I remember feeling like someone had peeled a layer away from my brain and my reality was no longer anchored to any point of reference. And I had to fight to keep from being crushed under the weight of an unforgiving new paradigm of ultimate reality. So cool, man.” Jake, in what is clearly a kid’s show for kids, “Is That You?”
“Whoa, Finn! Hey. Are you gonna wake up Jake?” “Yeah, is that gonna kill you again, though?” “My past self is doing plan B, right?” “Uh, yes, although I got to say, this whole thing seems rickety as yoga balls.” “Yeah, tell me about it.” “You tell you about it!” – Primso and Finn, “Is That You?”
“Hey, did we get turned around somewhere? I feel like we’re lost.” “Nah, I was just stalling. Don’t think about it.” – Finn and Prismo, “Is That You?”
“Shut it, Prismo. Heroes risk everything for their friends, although I admit you’re more Jake’s friend than mine. Sometimes you can think someone’s totally cool but you never become besties. And I don’t know why that happens but regardless let’s do this.” – Finn, “Is That You?”
“Finn sword, dude.” – Prismo, “Is That You?”
“Finn, ever since I was little I wanted to see what it’s like to be a brick in a brick shack when the brick shack falls down. And this shack is gonna fall down. Just look at it. Like sand castles in the sun, baby. Ha ha! You’re too young, you wouldn’t understand.” “Ha! You’re right, I don’t understand. But I’m cool with your mystical journey or whatever.” Jake and Finn, “Jake the Brick”
“Ooh, I’m starting to get a little tippy in my teacups.” – Jake, “Jake the Brick”
“It’s not about the bunny! The bunny is incidental to the brick experiment.” – Jake, “Jake the Brick”
“Ladies and gentlemen, this bunny is indominatable!” – Jake, “Jake the Brick”
“Your tooth looks bad, dude. Smells like a garden shed in here.” – Jake, “Dentist”
“Just go dentist, dude.” – Jake, “Dentist”
“Finn, this is literally serious. You have to go dentist.” – Princess Bubblegum, “Dentist”
“Dude. You. Have. Got. To. Go. Dentist.” “No! I’m too strong for this world!” – Jake and Finn, “Dentist”
“I don’t want to go dentist, Jake. They put you in a hole filled with snakes and rotten butter and they leave you there.” – Finn, “Dentist”
“Soft sand. Ant.” – Finn, “Dentist”
“Welcome to dentist, cadet! I’m Lieutenant Gamergate! Snakes and rotten butter, a common mistake. You were expected to arrive with snacks and a flashlight.” – Lt. Gamergate, which I don’t know about that name, guys, “Dentist”
“So… dentist is ants?” “Dentist is dentist, cadet! Drop and give me 20!” “I don’t have any money.” “Funny man goes dentist, huh?” – Finn and Lt. Gamergate, “Dentist”
“My tooth hurts.”
“Worms.” – Finn, with some A+ delivery, “Dentist”
“That guy wants to kill me!” “Tough nuts that’s dentist!” – Finn and the Queen, “Dentist”
“Heed my words, Finn. As the miller’s wheel forever outrages the seed, so the good apple boringly receives his neighbor’s worm. And all the good corn gets smashed to grease, to grease under the miller’s flipping wheel. You’re getting greased!” – what? Tiffany, “Dentist”
“I don’t need some fancy thinger to kick butt!” – Tiffany, “Dentist”
“I was friends with Jake. Then some baritone Herb stole him away from me.” – Tiffany, “Dentist”
“We’re opposites, you and me. Oil and goody-goody snow-white baby-vanilla-bean mitten water!” – Tiffany, “Dentist”
“You good?” “My tooth hurts.” – Tiffany and Finn, “Dentist”
“Dang it, Tiffany, weren’t you paying attention? We’re two peas in a pod. We’re not oil and water, we’re oil and vinegar. It’s good, man. It’s yummy. It’s good for you!” – Finn, “Dentist”
“Well, the good news is the worm queen was defeated. Choked to death on some foreign object, presumably Cadet Tiffany, who is missing in action. Which is the bad news.” – Ant Queen